Mother’s Day is not an easy holiday for everyone. In fact, I sometimes wonder whether it is an easy day for anyone. There is no such thing as an uncomplicated mother-child relationship and thus a day dedicated to celebrating the mom in your life can be a multilayered experience. Just as this holiday can be an opportunity to celebrate all that you’ve been given in your relationship with your mom or mom figure, it can also bring up the lack or the loss that exists within the relationship.
You may be a mom, have lost a mom, or have a tenuous relationship with your mom or your child. You may be dealing with the heartache of loss or another kind of grief. This holiday may put the spotlight on you in a wonderful or painful way or it could make you feel invisible. I see you all and am sending big hugs your way.
What can you do on Mother’s Day that honors all the feelings that this holiday stirs up?
Celebrate your inner mama
Take care of yourself first. Being a mother means anyone that gives care or love to the world and that definition includes you. Spend some time considering who you take care of in the world, be it friends, family, clients, pets, or plants.
Celebrate your mom in a way that honors how you feel
For those with complicated relationships, it’s okay to recognize the bitter with the sweet. Think about expressing sentiments that encompass your truth. If you have conflicted feelings, don’t push yourself to express your undying gratitude but perhaps share a good memory that you enjoy thinking about.
For those who have loved and lost, do whatever you need to do to get through the day.
I was filled with intense dread on the first Mother’s Day after I lost my mom to cancer. My close friend who had just dealt with her 2nd miscarriage felt similarly and although we were having our own very different heartaches, we were able to be there for each other. We anticipated the day as one to survive and appreciated any joy that broke through the grief waves. Every year we touch base in some way whether it is the week before, the day of, or the week after.
Connect with others who have a shared experience.
Find a blog, a book, or a Facebook group. Hearing about other people’s experiences often helps us process our own. It helps to lean on someone during difficult times just as it is restorative for us to be there for others or share our stories to help others make sense of theirs. After all, it’s this kind of connection (to self and others) and encompassing love that Mother’s Day is truly meant to celebrate.
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